Imperfect

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Written By Gwen Mlondobozi

I am a royal mess, we all are. We also, all have ‘stuff’, from the mundane activities of the day that we would rather not do to the heart-gripping struggles thrust upon us, without our permission. Yet between all of that, we should forge a path of righteousness (a path where our ways are right before the Lord, no matter what the world has to say about it).

‘I want to be a perfect Christian?’ Yet that doesn’t exist, but in my head it does. That thought causes so much self-judgement and condemnation because I am my greatest enemy. When I mess up in any way, I have the nasty habit of drawing away from the Lord. In doing so, He feels so far away, and I ask: ‘Why Lord, why have you forsaken me’. Then, I am reminded of every cliché verse that I have diminished its value by familiarity. Even then; it gets me back to facing the Lord.

So, it is at this moment that I realise that the path of righteousness is messy, muddy and complicated. Yet we will walk it anyway. There is this inner battle at work all the time to be better and better, and I do not always get it right – and I HATE THAT. 'I am better than that…'is a thought that often comes after I feel bad about something I have said or done. In retrospect, I think it is a good thing because I am not comfortable with sinning and an indication that the Holy Spirit is at work within me. There is beauty in my grieving heart because my actions lead me back to the Lord.

2 Corinthians 7:9-10 New Living Translation (NLT)
Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. For the type of sorrow, God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.

Now let’s step back you and me both, Jesus is the only author and perfecter of our faith, so my eyes need to shift from whatever they are looking at and become fixed on Jesus. See I am wrong, I cannot forge a path of righteousness. It’s not within my own power it never has, and it never will be that job is the Lord’s; the lover of my soul, the potter, the almighty creator. My job is faith and obedience.

But, I think too much, and I do not understand His ways. Yet with God, I need only trust. Trust in Him even if I do not understand, even if in pain, even if I have made a great mess of my life, even if I feel alone, even if...

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

We never have the full picture, our lives are in God’s hands, it takes so much courage to surrender our own ways to His will. “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” so we walk on this path with God with worries and uncertainties of life. Yet every day, let us choose to give our lives back to Him again, choose to trust Him and let Him lead, guide and direct us through the power of the Holy Spirit. He does have a plan and a purpose for our lives, we are not a science experiment, we are children loved by our Father.

Philippians 1:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

The prayer of my heart for you is a heart yielded to him.
Messy and muddy is the path… but remember a beautiful rose does not grow from a clean slate but from muddy ground.

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