Written by Gwen Mlondobozi
I have a terrible habit of holding tightly to my life as if it were my own when I know full well that ‘I gave my life to the Lord…’. Such a simple yet profound thing we say, so easily we choose to do it but, never really fully commit. We give the Lord part of ourselves and wish that it could be enough. There is so much that goes on in my life, and often I want to go at it all alone; fixing myself, healing my wounds and broken heart, knowing full well that even a doctor has to hand over the scalpel when it’s his body that needs fixing.
So, perhaps it’s time I take a different posture; always looking into myself and only looking up when I need a break is maybe not the answer. I want to take the posture of ‘fixing [my] eyes on Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of [my] faith’ (Hebrews 12:2, NIV. This, instead of fixating on myself and the things that go on around me and within me. It is only He that can sanctify me, by His grace and love; an act of forgiveness and restoration that I cannot earn, but He freely gives to you and me. I need to trust that this perfect God will go at it at the right pace, doing the right things for me. He knows and is aware of the puzzle pieces in my life. I have sight of just a few. He sees the grand picture and knows what needs to happen with every step.
Isaiah 64:8 (NASB)
'But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.'
I will not sit in an unsettled place, ‘but as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me’ (Micah 7:7, NASB). I choose faith to be my guide - guiding me in my waiting, I do not want to 'try this' and 'do that' in an attempt to perfect myself. I want Him to do the work in me because I will do it poorly. I'm trusting ‘that He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 1:6, NIV).
So, this is my letter of surrender again to the Lord because again I have tried to be the puppet master of His show.
Dear Father God,
I have some questions, doubts, and vulnerabilities. I have been trying so hard to fix myself but I can’t. I cannot seem to get it right. You are greater than me and my problems, and there are times when I must not believe it because I act like someone who does not have or believe in a great God.
Forgive me for missing You, looking right past You, when all You want is me and all my broken pieces. So, here I am once again, surrendering again. Lord, in faith I choose to trust You because I think I may only be giving parts of myself to You and keeping others to myself.
I look forward to the strength of waiting for the Lord - 'but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength’ (Isaiah 40:31, KJV) and even more to the joy of surrendering my life, because sometimes it feels like I'm squeezing water in my hand because I hold on so tightly to the things in my life.
It’s weird; there is peace in letting go and joy in setting my sights on Him and His ways rather than me and my ways. I don’t want control as much as I want a relationship with God.
This is a bit of my journey; I think the Lord is working in me, just as He is working in you too.
He neither sleeps nor slumbers. He is not unaware of how far you are walking. He is not blind to how deep you are hurting. He is not ignoring your hopes and dreams. You are not far from his sight.
He is working in us all - all the time.
So, we do not have to fight or be anxious about anything.
He is God, the Creator of the universe, the great I AM.
Paul’s Saviour. Abraham’s Friend. David’s redeemer. And your God.