A week from today I will be presenting a ladies’ event on uncovering and embracing your true identity, so you can have the courage to pursue your God-given passion. In my preparation, I have found myself being tested on this issue in my own life.
The enemy has given me many reasons as to why I do not qualify to present this topic. More than ever before I am aware of my own struggle with having confidence in my own identity. But the more I push past the fear and anxiety, the more empowered I feel to do this. I have never felt more disqualified, but my being disqualified has me even more qualified. The enemy’s discouragement is firing me up to do this because it reminds me that I am pushing in the right direction and it shows me that he is threatened.
As I write this, I realize that my anxiety is not really about whether or not the ladies will like the décor, snacks, activities or the quality of the sound. But rather that I will not be enough, that who I am and what I have to bring will not be captivating or inspiring enough. I am afraid that my weaknesses of being scatter-brained, talkative and nervous will water down my message. I am afraid I will be misunderstood, not taken seriously or thought to have wasted people’s time. I am afraid that God’s heart for His daughters will not reach them because I won’t have the right words to articulate it. I am afraid that people will walk out of that room not encouraged, or impacted the way my heart so longs for them to be.
I think many times when we find ourselves anxious about things, it is just a symptom of a deeper issue. As soon as we uncover that fear God can deal with the root of it sending the entire thing tumbling down. Realizing what I am really anxious about has brought me a strange peace I can’t really explain in words. I have been worrying about something that only God can do. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, I can pray into what could go right. I can pray for God to prepare the hearts of the ladies to be ready for what He wants to do on that day. I can take the pressure off myself because at the end of the day I am just a vessel through which God can and will work.
It is not up to me to change people’s hearts and minds. Only God can do that. All I can do is make sure I am as prepared as I can be to do what He wants me to do. Most importantly, I need to surrender myself to Him. If I were overly confident that I have got this, I would not need Him and that is where things get dangerous.
The closer I am moving towards the event date, the harder the current is that I feel like I am swimming against. When I began my planning everything fell perfectly into place. God brought just the right people who stepped in and offered help in their areas of expertise. It is only in the past two weeks that I have faced quite a few challenges. The venue suddenly became unavailable on the planned date which forced me to change the date of the event and as a result, I had a number of cancellations from people who are now unavailable (including a few people very close to me). If God hadn’t prepared me for that moment, I would have been discouraged and questioning whether He really wanted me to do this. But this has been on my heart far too long for me to give up now.
In James 4:7 the Bible instructs us to submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee. So I choose to submit to God with unreserved obedience. Regardless of the turnout, because He has chosen me for this mission for a reason and I will not allow the enemy to deceive me into believing otherwise.
Whether or not the turnout is what I would like is irrelevant. I have prayed and I am trusting that just the right hearts, which God is currently preparing, will show up on that day. And that the Lord will guide my heart, mind and my tongue, for His daughters to finally find freedom to embrace the individuals He intends them to be
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